| I'm setting myself up |
[31 Dec 2005|09:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Simon and Garfunkel * Crimson and Clover |
] |
This week as been a bunch of firsts for me...
+ my first real 'offical' date
- my first time being pulled over
- preceeded by my first speeding ticket for $150 >:0
+ First time at UCONN
+ First Trip to Woodstock
- First time getting Electricuted
+ My first time eating dinner at Cracker Barrel (damn those meals are massive!)
Come to think of it, that is pretty much it... hahaha but that isnt that bad.
This week has been rediciliously busy. I had my sex midterm on tuesday, It was allright. I didnt do to good, so I am becoming a nun, but i did better than a large portion of the class so that is good i guess? Yesterday I came home and went into Boston with Jimmy and Woody and met up with joshawa and went to see Senses Fail and Saves the day. We missed the Early November and 1/2 Senses Fail cause Im a sucky person, But that is okay cause Saves the Day more than made up for it!! They were amazing. They played alot of old stuff and one of their new songs which is soooo effin good. Hollla. I saw Casey Young, She bit me in the head, It rocked. It was ironic seeing here there cause for some reason Saves The Day makes me think of high school and we were really good friends in high School :p I miss High School sometimes.. Just the closeness and KED :) But i wouldnt trade my life right now as it is for anything. I l.o.v.e. It. :P
I wanna get a new tattoo. Right now.
|
|
| Now I have to deam about your smile cause your not here |
[30 Dec 2005|03:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 flirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Goldfinger |
] |
I am totally in one of those moods where I am looking for anything to do besides homework. I have allready cleaned my room, the kitchen and Played some nintendo. I should take a nap, I dont know why/how I am awake. I went to bed at like 530 and was up at 11. I love the weekends :P
-BODY ILLS + SKILLS-
Do you bite your nails: I useto when I was little
Can you roll your tongue: Fuck Yes
Can you blow smoke rings: No :/
Can you blow spit bubbles: Ewww, yes
Can you cross your eyes: I am not sure, I think i can, but i probably cant and just look retarded.
Tattoos and where: 2 of them. One on either wrist
Do you make your bed daily: Normally yes - right now it is a giant pile of blankes and clothes
What's sexiest on a guy: Hair, Smile, But mostly humor
What's sexiest on a girl: Oh Man, everything ;P
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it: a little bit of A and a little bit of B
What utensils do you use eating pizza: My fingahs
-GROOMING-
How often do you brush your teeth: 2-3 times a day
Do you shower/bathe: Every morning, and then sometimes again at night
How long do these showers last: 10 min?
Hair drying method:Hair Dryer and then Straightener
What color is your bedroom: idk? to much shit on my walls
Do you use an alarm clock: Kinda, I use my cell phone
Name four things or people you're obsessed with: Ketchup, laughing, caffiene and you<3
What's your sleeping position: curled up in a ball with my covers over my head
What kind of bed do you like: a big one with a hot boy in it:)
In hot weather do you use a blanket: I have to. I cant sleep without a blanket
Do you sleepwalk: No
Do you talk in your sleep: hahah I dont think i do..
How about the light on: No
Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio:Televizzle
-WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU-
Had sex: Hahahah I dont know... But it WASNT Friday Night!!
Watched Bambi: I dont think I ever had :(
Cried: Wow... I dont know...Probably a month or 2?
Talked on the phone: Yesterday
Read a book: Last week?
-MUSIC-
Is music important to you: Is Breathing importaint to you?
Do you sing: Yes, but horribly
What instruments do you play: the air gutair
What do you think of Eminem: Hullarious<3
In your opinion what band is the best of all time: Oh Man. That is like asking a mother to pick her favorite child
-DO YOU LIKE-
Pop music: It is funny
Punk music: Yes
Rap music: Yes
Hip-hop/RB:NO
Country: Country Fest 05!! hell no.
Jazz: Meah
Classical:Meah
New age: ?
Hardcore: Yes
Indie rock: Yes
Emo: hahaha apparently that is all i like :P
-WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX-
What do you notice first?: If they look Fun:)
Do you have a crush on anyone?: Yes I do
Who is the easiest to talk to?: All of my bests<33 I tell everyone everything.
-DO YOU/ARE YOU-
Could you live without the computer?: I think so.. If i get to keep my cell.
What's your favorite fruit?: Bananas
What hurts the most? Physical or emotional pain?: Emotional
-NUMBER-
Of times you have had your heart broken?: mabye once or twice
Of hearts you have broken?: a million. Im a playa
Of girls kissed?: 2 or 3?
Of boys kissed?: Hahaha Im in competition with Jen.. But I will say 30+
Who? Seriously??
Of drugs taken illegally?: Hahahaha
Of close friends?: 10-15
Who? I dont want people to feel bad ;P hahaha
Of CD's owned: Not that many...
Of scars on my body?: Alot, Im a giant Klutz
-OTHER THINGS-
I know: that I am drinking free root beer
I want: you back in MA
I have: to do my homework
I wish: that i could go back in time and re-do my freshman year
I hate: Being fat
I miss: someone whos name is from the worst movie ever made
I fear: Having regrets
I hear: Jennnnnnny on teh telephone and The Bled
I love: All my friends<3
I ache: in my back (mabye its my liver?)
I care: About to many things and people
I always: can never sit still
I dance: everywhere
I cry: randomly, but when the gates open, watch your self
I can usually be found: Embarassing myself somewhere
-ARE YOU A...-
Wuss: yes
Druggie: not yet
Daydreamer: Oh Man, hell yes
Alcoholic:According to some people... :/
Freak: ;)
Brat: Naw
Sarcastic: FUCK YES
Goody-goody: Naw
Angel: Naw
Devil: Naw
Friend: I wanna be everyones best friend<3
Shy: At cirtain times I def am
Adventurous: I would like to think so
Intelligent: It isnt one of my stronger suits..
-SELF ANALYSIS YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO DO-
Your best feature [personality]: My Humor?? I honestly dont know how I get guys, no joke..
Most annoying thing you do: It takes me an hour (no joke) to pick out my clothes.
Biggest mistake you've made this far: Over analyzing cirtain situations
Describe your personality in one word: Antsy?
A smell that makes you smile: the sent of a Man... hehehe
A city you'd like to visit: San Diego
A drink you order most often: Sex on the Beach
The music you prefer while alone: Something that I can totally rock out to
A TV show you watch regularly: Ummmmmm... I dont have one n e more :(
|
|
| I cant wait untill November! |
[16 Dec 2005|01:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Armor for Sleep * Walking at Night Alone |
] |
I wanna go on a date.
Dont get me wrong, I like what I have going on now ALOT
But I do miss going out on Dates.
Can we like each other during the day and go on a date? :P
ps- I totally saw Confetti On Friday. We got drunk and Danced Danced Danced untill the wee hours and I loved every bit of It <333333
|
|
|
[03 Dec 2005|11:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
a little Reel Big Fish |
] |
School is the shit.
I am soooo happy to be back x985956834 million.
I love my apartment, my roomies, all the old friends who I have started talking to again more(winky- wink), and all the new ones that I have met. I even like my job and classes this year. Fuck Yes! Soooo happy.
Well, untill last night when family came crashing down.... fuck that.
|
|
|
[13 Nov 2005|12:58am] |
During the day, out of sight out of mind applies.
I keep myself busy talking to people about my issues and going out.
But at night you are all i can think about, all i can talk about.
Why does this have to be so confusing?
Why do I still have hope?
|
|
| Beware: Rambling ahead |
[10 Nov 2005|07:19pm] |
I will be the first to admit when im wrong.
And this time, Im wrong. I was wrong. Everything is wrong.
I am not good with expressing my feelings. I feel the slightist bit of rejection, sadness, anger - (and i mean the tiniest bit) I get all defensive and angry. Why? Why do I do this? I get angry over things like someone being tired and asking me to go home. WHAT THE FUCK? What is wrong with me? I push away my family, my friends, and now Joe away because i dont know how to deal with my emotions properly. I just wish I knew the answers. Mabye it is because I bottle up my emotions and dont really tell n e one what is going on, and then BAM, out of nowhere i get angry and the emotions come out. And then I get into this like "zone" where I can only focus on that anger and sadness and I cant take a step back and realize how fucked up and illogical I am being.
I am pissed off at someone who isnt even arround, I am letting them ruin my life AGAIN. I let them destroy me once before and how come after all this shit, I am letting them get to me again?? Why??!? Why?!?! WHY?! Ugggg I hate this so much. I hate myself for not pulling away and admitting that I was upset and not okay. Putting on a face dosnt do jack shit. No one believed that i was happy, and now I am even worse off. I need to start taking responsibility for ME. No one else can get into my head and help. I need to talk, I need to stop being so stubborn and ask for help when I need it. I need to fix this, It is my problem that is costing me so much.
********************************
This needs to stop soon. I need to fix everything. I need to be happy and Me again. This past month wasnt me, and Im sorry to everyone who was arround me. I runnined Trips, My family Vacation, My 21st birthday and Birthday party, Visit from friends, etc.. All I can do is apologize and hope for forgiveness some day. I am sorry. So Sorry...
|
|
|
[30 Oct 2005|01:47am] |
I have been up for over the past 24 hours.
And i have the biggest headache ever from all the thinking and self- reflecting i have been doing.
And I am proud to say, FUCK YOU.
Fuck you for entering back into my life.
Fuck You for making me feel like a worthless piece of shit.
And Fuck You for making me fuck up my life.
I am done. I am better then this, Better than you.
You cant waltz back in here and mess me up.
I am embarassed to admit for a short period of time, I let you get to me, get into my head.
But I am stronger than you will ever know.
And with this 'expierence' I am stronger then I ever thought i could be.
So it backfired.
Fuck You.
|
|
|
[29 Oct 2005|05:43pm] |
I feel awful. Out of nowhere pour these tears and comments, that I dont even believe are true. What is wrong with me? Why do I say things in the heat of a moment, only to later realize that they are not true and to regret them with all of my heart? Why do I feel saddened by people and then take out my sadness and anger on the one person who dosnt deserve it? Uggg Im so pissed off and upset at myself that i cant even look in the mirror.
I never wanted to hurt you or to make you feel unappreciated. I dont have a good way with words. You are the best thing to happen to me in the longest time and I refuse to let you think otherwise. I take everything you say and do to heart and just want you to know that. You mean the world to me and Im sorry I dont let you know this enough.
|
|
|
[10 Oct 2005|10:52pm] |
Sometimes I just want to cry.
And Cry and Cry untill i fall asleep.
Tonight will be one of those nights.
|
|
|
[05 Jul 2005|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jack's Mannequin * Holiday from Real |
] |
I just wanna be happy in my own skin.
I hate the way I feel.
I ate a veggie wrap and celery today, and i feel so fucking fat.
Ick, it is the grossest feeling ever.
No matter how hard I try, I will always be this way.
I will always be unhappy and un attractive.
|
|
|
[06 Jun 2005|11:56pm] |
Did you know I write poems?
Do u know that I listen to Hanson?
Did you know that I have been to Mexico?
Do u know that I fall fast and always get hurt?
Did you know that I would die if I missed fireworks on the 4th of July?
Do U know that Im terrified of the ocean water?
Did you know that Im rediciliously obessive about what I eat?
Do u know that Im an over-analyzier?
Did you know that I think about you all day?
Did You know that I am teacher certified?
Do you know that my grandmother and mom are my best friends?
Did You know i dance every morning when i get ready?
.. and that I drive 15 minutes out of thw way for an Ice Coffee?
Did you know how much I miss you and how much It hurts that we dont talk?
Do You know that I useto ONLY drink apple juice for 3 months straight?
Do you know that when i was 3 I was in the hospital for and almost died?
Did you know that i once met a boy on a bus and he took 4 of us to Everclear?
Did you know i have read the same book over 10 times?
Did you know Im scared of being upside down?
Do You even know me?
Or Do you just pretend to be interested in what I am.
|
|
| One week left, and not even an hour spent... |
[12 May 2005|12:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
Why does it always seem like Im wanting to feel needed and special in my relationships?
Shouldnt that just be automatic?
Apparently when your not when your dating me....
|
|
|
[03 May 2005|07:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Beautiful Mistake * Cold Hearts |
] |
I just dont get some people.
I just dont get how one person who Im not a fan of, can Turn my GREAT mood into a bad one.
Urrrg. Fuck you. No joke.
Your just so rude, i cant handle it. Im done.
Anyways... Just got back from a Random Tuesday Adventue with Dubs and Kellen. Im gunna miss our Tuesday Adventures sooo much. Im going to miss them sooo much. To much fun! <3
Joe staff went home today to cut his hair. Im nervous to see the results. Hahaha.
MOTHER FUCKING 11 MORE DAYS UNTILL SUMMER BITCHES!!! :) :)
|
|
|
[26 Apr 2005|10:57pm] |
Things are better.
I just get uber stressed and last night it all caught up to me.
I love my friends.
I love My boyfriend.
Im alllllright :)
k. Bye.
oh, ps- went to the hanger for the first time tonight, and spilled the leftovers ALLL OVER THE FLOOR! go me!
|
|
| Just throw it back, for one more night |
[26 Apr 2005|12:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Senses Fail |
] |
I dont know anymore. Im sooo confused for no real reason today. It is soooo weird. It is like im not content with my life anymore. Im sooo sick of my living situation here at school, my job is to far and i work to much, I dont do any homework anymore, Im not working out and getting fat, Ick, Im just not happy with anything.
|
|
|
[06 Apr 2005|12:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The television is on playas |
] |
If you only knew how much I cared about you
Mabye you would stop looking in the past
And start focusing on me ...
|
|
|
[03 Apr 2005|08:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
eminem playyyyas |
] |
I love Joe Staff. MmmmHmm. Hot stuff.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
jessyk4's journal